At Peace

This has been a long time coming, But I think I am finally at peace with everything that has went on in my life the last few years. It seems crazy that I would all of a sudden feel like this. But it has happened, and I am happy about it. I do have a few things to say about the things that have transgressed in my life. I may not be at peace with EVERYTHING that is in my life, but I am thankful for what I have.

Regarding my marriage. I'm moving on with my life, and putting this in the past. I am refusing to spend anymore nights not being able to sleep thinking about what happened and what didn't happen with Mike. It has been 1 year and 4 months since he left. I spent far to many days and nights wondering that went wrong with "us" but after a lot of reflection on this subject, I have decided that it does not matter to me anymore. After reading through my journals when we were married, I realized, that you know what, I was not happy in my marriage. I deserved so much better, and to be treated well. So I say, good riddens and good-bye.

Although Mike will never read this blog, I just want to say thank you for the good times we had however few and in between. For what it means, I did my best to be a good wife, and I think we both did things that were not kosher for our marriage to work. I did love you at one point or another, but we both developed into different people who were searching for two different life paths. I was young, and didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. Gladly now I do. I wish you the best of luck with Jacob and Shannon.

Regarding my father. I cannot change who he is as much as I would love to. I dreamt for many years that I would be the one who would encourage him to stop drinking. But....I have realized that I cannot change my dad. But...I can accept the things he does for who he is. I can love him for who he is, grow up, and accept him for who he is. The past is behind us. I cannot change the stress he put me through as a teenager, or the things he did to me, or all the hurtful things that were said throughout the years. But, from this point forward I can be a better daughter, and take the time to listen to my father. However silly his stories are, or how many times he tells the same story, I can try to learn from them.

Regarding my mother. My mother has always been my hero. I commend her for her patience, and her strength. I can only hope to be one day as strong as she is.

Regarding the future. I have no real idea what the future holds for me. But...for the first time in many years, I know what I want to do with my life. And...oh..heres the big one...I have the ambition to pursue my dreams. I am planning on going back to school to go for my doctorate in Psychology...also...I am going to take some photography classes. I miss taking photos. I loved it so much, and for some reason or another, I stopped doing something that made me happy. That ends now...I have to do things for me now,and no one else, I need to do the things in my life that make me happy. Only then can I achieve the goals I have in my life.